Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
