so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
