remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
