somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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