Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
