you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
