i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
