So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
