Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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