Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
