Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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