smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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