so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
