im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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