i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
