I'm going to jail i love you
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
