Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
