3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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