I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
