I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
