As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The best revenge is premature balding
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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