i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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