I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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