Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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