I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
