I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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