Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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