ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
