He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
