all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
