College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
