Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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