i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
