Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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