The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
