New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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