I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
