i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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