I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dignity is for republicans.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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