That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
