I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
