you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
