If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
