Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
