Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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