Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
