Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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