Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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