I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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