Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
