i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I could fuck to npr.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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