Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
