Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
