just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
