You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
